I only wish that I was left with a picture, foot print, blanket, or even a lock of hair. I was only left with a hole in my heart.

On Sept.6, 1968 I went to my Dr. office because I was due about a week earlier and had not started labor yet. During the internal the Dr. said that he was not sure how the baby was presenting, and sent me into the hospital to have a x-ray to see just what part of the baby was coming.

In those days there wasn't any ultrasounds they hadn't been invented yet.  So anyway I went into the hospital for the x-rays, not knowing anything was wrong.  My husband was at work and the Dr. called him and told him to come to the hospital. 

After he arrived they let him into the labor room, and that was unheard of too.  Husbands had to wait in a cold waiting room.  So the Dr. brought him into the labor room, and told us both that something was wrong and our baby would not live very long after she was born, he said she had Anencephaly.  He said she could live off me but not after she was born.

I went numb and cried and cried.  After a while I asked if I could please have a c-section as I had not gone into labor yet.  The Dr. said that would be so much harder on me so he induced labor, and it was the worst pain I'd ever had.  Nothing he gave me worked.  Finally they put me out.
When I woke up I was in my room. In those days the Drs thought it best not to let the parents see their babies.  They just told us to try to forget it and go home and try again.
This happened 37 yrs ago and because I was never given a chance to hold or see my baby girl I have never been able to fully grieve. I have nothing not even a foot print.

My Dr. told me later that she was perfect in every way except her head only grew to be about a 6month foetus.  I only have a birth cert. and a death cert.  The Dr. said she lived 3hrs.  I could have held her for those 3 hrs but wasn't given the option.  I would give anything to have that 3 hrs back again.  I know my sweet baby girl is among many many friends in heaven.  I will always miss her and I know that one day I will see her finally.  She is with my mother and I will see them both one day.

Julie Anne's story sent in by her Mummy Marcia



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